From the Rejector’s Side: What They Say, How They Feel, and Their Perception of the Rejectee

Despite extensive study of social rejectees, the little work on social rejectors may not apply to non-punitive social rejection. When people communicate social rejection, do their words convey language principles recommended to soften the blow (i.e. positive regard, sincere alternatives, more words, no apologies)? Is rejectors’ use of recommended language related to their emotions and/or their perception of rejectees’ emotions? Daily diaries and re-lived memories showed social rejectors chose words aligned with recommended language principles; this language use was associated with rejectors feeling more emotional drain and less imposition and less self-consciousness (Studies 1–2). Positive regard and sincere alternatives were associated with rejector and observer perceptions of rejectees’ emotional ease, whereas more words and avoiding apologies were associated with rejector and observer perceptions that rejectees had more emotional struggle (Studies 2–3). The present work has implications for frameworks of non-punitive social rejection and for training people on softening the blow.