Choosing Our Reality: Relational Mobility Shapes When and With Whom People Share Reality

Our perceptions of reality are partly a byproduct of our goals. Past research has found that people are motivated to selectively share reality—shared inner states about the world—with those who help them achieve their goals (i.e., instrumental others). We argue that this desire to share reality with instrumental others depends on relational mobility: how free others are to leave relationships. Across 39 countries ( N ≈ 17,000), relational mobility predicted more shared reality with instrumental (vs. noninstrumental) others. Two network studies ( N = 353; N = 277) replicated this interaction, revealing that perceived relational mobility shaped the likelihood of sharing reality with instrumental versus noninstrumental others. An experiment ( N = 590) manipulating relational mobility found causal support: High (vs. low) relational mobility reduced shared reality with noninstrumental others. These findings suggest that cultures emphasizing social freedom influence how people “choose their reality” by selectively merging minds with instrumental others.